Well, everyone wants to be ahead of the rest at some point, and this is your chance.

EDIT: I am often unavailable on weekends.

Skype name: lolwtfomg3

Here are the services I will offer on any map:
$.25 Heal (Full Blood/Hunger/Heat/Thirst/No screenshake)
$.50 (+$.25 per friend) Teleport
$.75 Screen Shake player(s) (Some servers)
$1.00 Hacker Crate
$1.50 ESP
$1.50 Godmode
$1.75 Spawn Zombies on player(s)
$2.00 Assassination
$2.00 Knock-Out
$2.00 Kick (Some servers)
$2.50 Anti-quit (Some servers, so nobody can leave when you're doing the crazy stuff)
$3.00 Disable zombies server-wide (Some servers)
$3.50 Acid (Weird screen effects for everyone, including you)
$10.00 Kill loop (Some servers, including you, all players)

Chernarus only:
$5.00 Server Nuke (NWAF/Cherno/Elektro/Stary)*
$7.50 Thunderdome*

Namalsk only:
$2.50 Spawn bloodsucker horde on player(s)
$5.00 Server Nuke (A2/Sebjan Dam/Vorkuta/Old Hospital)*
$6.00 EVR Sequence (blowout)*

* = Godmode recommended.

If I am, for any reason, unable to perform any of these services, you will be refunded fully.